3 down, 10 million to go!

After being flung unceremoniously into singledom, I was drowning my sorrow in the good-for-nothing-but-that teen magazines and I decided to write this in Seventeen style.

How To Deal With Being Dumped.
STUFF THAT WORKS:

• CRYING: It is said that when you cry your reasoning powers double up, therefore you end up realizing he's the loser in this situation.
• BURNING STUFF: Works like magic. Letters, lists, diary sheets, photographs, anything you can find. And if you're not the sort who writes much, just take a sheet of paper, draw a caricature of your ex (the ugliest possible) and jot down his name a few times. Then all you have to do is derive sick pleasure from watching the flames feed on his 'soul'. Heh heh. Oh and stick to paper to be safe.
• TALK ABOUT IT: Yak your heart out. Not to everybody though. Stick to 2-3 close friends because once you get over your anger, you will regret telling everyone the jerk ate his toe-nails till he was 15. Oops.
• DELETE STUFF: Photos of only him, pieces of writing (keep only the really good stuff), message archives, and songs associated with him. You can download them again when you feel better.
• HOUSEHOLD CHORES: Who doesn't know those are therapeutic?
• WRITE: Even if it’s just a letter you will never send or a bitch session on paper or a lame-ass article like this one, it helps.
• WATCH T.V.: Seriously, just seeing how much of an idiot Marissa is will make you feel loads better.
• GET OUT OF THE HOUSE: Plug your headphones on and go take a walk. OMG! Is that guy hot or hot??!?!?!? See, you’re already recovering!
• BUST A MOVE!: Crank up the volume and do your thing! And for God’s sake stick to happy songs, will ya?
• WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS: Cry on Mom’s shoulder. Please?

STUFF THAT DOESN’T WORK

• Listening to sad, emo music: Yeah yeah, sure Avril gets how you’re feeling but sad music has never served as a pick-me-up for anyone but the sadistic.
• Bitching. No actually blaming it all on your ex: Sure it will give you momentary happiness but it takes two people to ruin a relationship, so when good sense prevails the plunge will be deeper. To go to the other extreme and say it’s entirely your fault either. Shit happens.
• Trying to find a way to remain ‘Friends’: You don’t want it. What you actually want is for it to not be so final, so you can take your time and drift away slowly. But hell, break-ups are break-ups. You will never be able to get on with life if you still hang around your ex. Just rip the bandage off and consider friendship only once you’re completely over him.
• Being destructive: Breaking stuff, banging your head against the wall, etching ‘ is an asshole’ on your arm (I know someone who did that) is extremely idiotic. You’re just letting him get to you. No guy is worth breaking your favorite coffee mug. Ditto getting drunk and doing something stupid.

THE BOTTOM LINE: Sure he broke your heart and moon-walked on the pieces and sure no amount of bitching will ever be enough but your break-up is something that happened to you, let’s err... keep it that way. Don’t hesitate to lean on your pals but try not to make life hell for them.

This too shall pass, my friend.