I don’t feel like doing anything these days. Even things I used to love doing. Earlier, every time any random friend needed help, I’d be there in a second, armed with a thousand wise words and practical solutions. These days when someone asks for help, I just say something like ‘Sigh. How do you always manage to get into these fixes?’ and at the same time there’s a voice inside of me saying ‘STOP BEING SUCH A SELFISH BRAT AND HELP HER, YOU KNOW WILL REGRET BLOWING HER OFF’.
I just tune it out.
Nothing makes me happy.
On one side, I don’t want to be around anyone except very few select friends and calls/messages/appearances by anyone other than them, irritates me no end. On the other, I need to be in midst of things, surrounded by a lot of people to be able to feel relaxed. Extroversion and introversion play this strange tug-of-war inside me and I can’t do anything but enjoy the feeling of being torn apart.
I keep listening to Spaceman by The Killers on repeat. That song doesn’t really make too much sense to me but it feels right.
Clarity that elusive vixen.
Photoshop has helped me realize just how uninspired I am. I can copy and recreate but that’s about it. If I were to sit with a black sheet in front of me for years together, I wouldn’t be able to create something novel. Well, it helps that art has never really been my thing, but even words evade me. Fuck that. I can’t even think of something to write about in the first place. I guess the aforementioned lack of definition has something to do with that.
My mom dragged me to the dermatologist’s today because she felt like the rash on my forehead was something sinister. The dermatologist’s tsked and tutted and told us that it was only natural for a teenager like me to get acne and that we really shouldn’t get this ‘hyper reactive’. Even though he did really say it, his expression said it all: These teenagers these days, read all sorts of stuff online that’s way above their immature heads and come to all sorts of stupid conclusions.
I swear I saw my mom give a sadistic smirk.
The spaceman says, "Everybody look down. Its all in your mind."
2 comments:
Oh dear, sigh, how I feel for you.
Spaceman, right. Download I will. But ten bajillion things are downloading right now. God, this internet, makes you want to devour as much of everything as humanly possible.
And, dude.
Don't be hyper reactive. Not in terms of your skin. Obviously.
You could'a been a signpost, could'a been a clock, simple as a kettle, steady as a watch.
Breathe.
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