Something Pretty

I like to see my life as this chain of events. Some people like to see life as it is in that moment, disregarding the past or the future. But I can never do that. I see myself as a product of everything that has happened to me in my life. I can even pin-point traits and attach them to certain significant pieces of my past (Yes, I'm that self-obsessed sometimes).
So recently, one self-indulgent Sunday, I realized I had seen a lot of moments in my life where I thought "This is it. This is what I've been looking for all my life. This is going to fix everything and it's going to be all sunshine and rainbows from know. I can just feel it." Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while would know exactly what I'm talking about. Invariably, such things would blow up in my face and I'd end up feeling like a complete idiot. But I'd still think it the next time.

Then finally I reached this point where I said "Fuck this shit. There's no such things as love or happiness or contentment". I saw them as illusions we were fed with to keep us going, but in fact, life is just a ladder that we keep climbing thinking the next rung will be the last, only to find a new challenge. And then we die and never really find out what the fuss was all about. Cynicism, as you might call it.

But this last month, a really important person taught me this really important thing. Life is not a ladder. Life is not about growth. It's a journey (excuse the cliche). And it's not really about getting somewhere. Sometimes it's like an obstacle course, sometimes it's like this beautiful oasis and you want to stay there forever. But you have got to move on. And what matters is not that you couldn't stay, but that you were there.

I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again. - Achilles in Troy.