New Year

And here I thought I was walking out of the fire unscathed. I’m scary and damaged. Not to mention jaded.
I started this year being a shy quiet nice girl who trusted everyone she knew, was innocent and so full of hope... so naive.

Life has her way of curing one that disorder.

Now, at the end of this year, I’ve dealt with a lot, as a girl, as a family member, as a Delhite and as an Indian. Bullying, loneliness, heartbreak, rejection, hopelessness, addiction, anger ... death.
My staunch belief in seeing the good in everyone hangs by its last thread, so does my belief in love. I don’t trust easily, scepticism drips from my words and actions. Sensitivity got frowned out by anger, hurt and betrayal. Nothing seems believable anymore. I regard everything and everyone with suspicion and yes, cynicism.
There is humor in the misery.
Life seems less like a love song and more like a satire.
But there is a silver lining.
I have loved, been loved. I have broken hearts; I’ve had my heart broken. I’ve won, I’ve lost, I’ve overcome and I’ve walked around. I’ve experienced horrible pain and I’ve felt the wounds heal. I’ve cried, but I’ve laughed equally hard. I’ve witnessed the unfailing strength of true friends and what wonderful, joyous difference good friends can make to our lives. I’ve met the most amazing people and had them gently restore my faith in people and all things bright and beautiful. I’ve learnt to love so utterly selflessly and unconditionally. I’ve learnt to accept defeat and the end of a relationship. I have had most wonderful highs along with the lows. I’ve been happy, sooo happy.

I’m scary and damaged, but I’m at peace with who I am and what I’ve become and more importantly, I’m truly happy at last.

While I mourn the loss of innocence and wild hopefulness, I welcome with open arms an older, wiser and stronger me.


It’s been a long December
And there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last.